All fun and games until a piece of space junk knocks into the satellite and you accidentally cut through the Dutch sea wall.

Shocker!

Everyone has fast internet in the Nordic countries, no matter how rural they live.

You want Norway, Sweden and Finland. You can get fast internett pretty much anywhere and a large portion of the countries are just forest. I actually met a guy in Troms who is the only year round resident of an island that has two ferries a week if you book ahead of time and he has fast internett, as well as a lovely vegetable garden and a plentiful supply of fish.