If she is saying this at this point it feels like she feels that he is neglecting her to play video games
So the line ‘While you are obviously more important to me than some silly games’ is not obvious at all, to the point where she feels like she is not important to him at all and thus worth ending the relationship over (since there is effectively no relationship)
In fact I’d argue this is a complete strawman of a meme and designed entirely just to make 1 person look bad and the other feel smug and superior 🤓
It seems like you’ve never had a partner who tries to totally monopolize your time, and treats any time not spent focused on them as neglect. I can assure you this is no straw man.
Literally sitting on the same couch with her leaning on me, I’m reading a book and she is watching tv; “I don’t feel like we spend any time together anymore.”
I reckon people have different opinions on “what spending time together” entails - ranging from
- being in the same room doing different stuff
- Sitting next to each other doing different stuff
- sitting next to each other watching the same movie
- Talking together Etc.
for some folks it means you can’t have any other hobbies/friends/interests that dont include them.
this is called co-dependency.
I had a girlfriend once who basically would not let me leave the house without her, to like even go buy milk. she was so insecure she lacked object permanence. Of course, I didn’t know this about her until we lived together. But basically after a few months we broke up because I was basically living with a toddler, and in her mind I was the abusive awful person, for thinking I could go leave the house for 5 minutes without her, and fi I wanted to like come home later and get some time alone, that was ABUSE.
Oh right, and she used to run every morning and if I was feeling sick or otherwise not up to running with her… I was ABUSING HER.
Her own parents tried to talk her down out of absurd was she was being, but she simple took that as me having manipulated her parents to my side… yeah… she was not well.
Wow that sounds like an insane relationship. I guess she only really dared being herself after you moved in together? Hopefully you managed to get out without too many scars on your soul.
We were both each other’s first serious partner, we had no clue what we were doing. We just loved each other and thought that was all that mattered. It was 15 years ago so it’s pretty much an afterthought. I had worse partners since her who were not just ignorant, but straight up malicious and manipulative.
My partner sometimes mentions spending more time together. I want it to be more quality time though and not just sat watching brainrot reality TV.
At least that isn’t all she watches, there are some things she likes that I do enjoy watching together. But when she finds a few new reality TV things and watches that I will just go and do something else.
So!
You might have some neurodivergence. I was diagnosed with ADHD (Inattentive-Moderate) and I recognise this situation.
You are happy and fulfilled by ‘parallel play’ where you are with someone but you are each doing your own thing.
It sounds like your partner is asking for dedicated quality time. With active interaction.
So here’s what you do: Buy LEGO.
Nothing major (at first). The Botanical sets are lovely. Then you pick an evening, put on some background music and sit across from each other building your own set and talking about stupid garbage.
Once you’re done, order some food in and cuddle on the couch with a comfy movie. (WALL-E, Spirited Away, Hot Fuzz. Something like that).Maybe, if you’re a giga-chad, you sneak some fancy dessert into the house earlier in the day.
I don’t know why they downvotes. Parallel play isn’t for everyone but it’s a great idea to try, neurodivergent or not, to see if that satisfies both parties on feeling they spent some quality time together.
down votes because armchair diagnosing people is an asshole move. it’s shitty and awful and people need to stop doing it.
you cannot diagnose people based on internet comments. you know who diagnoses people? professional therapists and psychologists.
I was on a date last month with a woman who seemed nice, then she started armchair diagnosing me when I was talking about my hobbies. So I basically told her I had to go, because it was so incredibly rude and arrogant and I want nothing to do with someone uses therapy talk when they are not a professional. Not to mention, it’s a violation of professional ethics for therapists to diagnoses people who they are in personal relationships with.
It’s basically the equivalent of being like “oh I’m tired today”, "Oh you must have cancer! let me tell you how you need to go on this diet to fight it!’
Ah, I see. It was only a “you might” so I suppose I didn’t quite see it as diagnosing they way I am used to seeing it done from other post experiences. But, understandable.
My ex wife did this. Also, didnt allow me to go to bed until she was ready, which meant that I’d be going to bed at 2 am every night, which is terrible when you have to wake up at 4 to be at work by 5:30 every morning.
Ok, well then the partner whose time is being monopolized has agency and probably should have ended the relationship before this conversation
Easier said than done sometimes.
Definitely. Relationships are hard
I took it as a non serious joke riffing of a common meme.
See and I took it as the same neurospicy toxic culture that seems to be growing from all these young men that are just generally immature and angry.
Though god forbid you highlight that because many of them will rail back because they have all the time in the world because they’re all losers and some of them are mods and will delete your comments anyways.
Yeah you had me in the first half but went off the rails there
Literally none of this is about neurodivergece.
Its about at least one partner being terrible at communicating their actual wants and needs and boundaries… then growing resentful… then issuing a total ultimatum.
A scenario like this can only happen if at least one person is terrible at telling their partner want they want and need and expect out of the relationship, out of the other person.
It can be that both are terrible at communicating, but it has to be at least one, the ultimatum issuer.
Take memes seriously and get into arguments on the internet!
I’ve personally had a girlfriend criticize my video game playing. While she was on vacation. In the first month of dating her. She was saying that playing video games was immature and that I really should only play video games to spend time with my nephew. This meme resonated with me because it reminded me to respect myself and my hobbies even if I get shamed for it by women.
Believe it or not, women can be toxic too.
Narcissist.
She needs to monopolize your attention, even when it really doesn’t make any direct sense for that to be happening.
Its how narcissists ‘do’ relationships, they groom you into only being allowed to enjoy paying attention to and recieving attention from them.
You being able to spend or recieve attention from others is a threat to them.
Hope you ran for the hills.
Yep. I don’t understand why people can’t admit this stuff. Some people, many of them women, have an irrational negative view of video games, based on stigmatic beliefs that are objectively untrue.
In an otherwise healthy relationship, sure. That’s not the scenario the meme is painting though
You’re right - it may feel obvious to him but not her. But saying “sometimes I feel neglected, let’s figure out how to fix that” is much healthier than saying “stop or I’ll leave”
One would assume, since the guy in this case couldn’t hear the message at all, that the guy didn’t hear the prior attempts to be more nuanced.
No.
You might assume that.
Other people, with different personalities and experiences, might assume different things.
You could also assume that she’d never directly brought it up to him before.
Maybe she vaguely hinted at something… and he didn’t really know what she meant, because she was vague.
Or maybe she did directly bring it up, and they then agreed to a new paradigm, and then she realized she was still unhappy despite both of them following the guidelines they agreed on.
Or, maybe he just bought the thing and is setting it up for the first time.
Or you could assume a porcelain teapot is orbiting Mercury, we just haven’t seen it yet.
Its s really bad idea to invent context that doesn’t exist about a complex social situation that you’ve only seen a tiny snapshot of. Because you’re just making things up at that point, and then judging people based on things you made up about them.
No, it’s not.
I’ve had women bring this up to me. I was not neglecting them. They simple HATED video games and thought they were awful and terrible. They were a ‘waste of time’. Meanwhile her scrolling on her phone hours a day is not.
Often it’s because the other person is insecure and controlling and has double standards.
The meme is a bit wordy, but uh no, plently of people in relationships are not great at communicating, setting clear expectations and boundaries…
But issuing an ultimatum is a power move, that if acquiesed to, sets a precedent where that can be done for anything. This is antithetical to a relationship where each person respects the other one. After an ultimatum like this, such mutual respect is impossible going forward.
The only correct choice, for both people, is that if an ultimatum like this is issued, or one person genuinely thinks they have no other option?
You two are done.
You do not work as a couple, wrap it up.
It is a strawman but giving an ultimatum is also a nuclear option in a relationship and it’s over when the other person said “it’s me or…”, that is the last argument of a failed relationship. Does the first person have an unhealthy habit that they are unwilling to change, possibly, but if you’re trying to change someone to fit your wants and needs then you’re not ever going to be in a healthy relationship.
Maybe you or they change or develop a new habit during aong relationship, well then everyone has communicate in a healthy manner and then possibly break off the relationship.
But I’ve seen this scenario more than once where the pattern went straight for the ultimatum and the obvious defense to me is to not engage because that’s a Kobayashi Maru.
Its not a strawman.
I personally know a fair number of guys that have had nearly this exact interchange.
With the addition of… after the ‘well im displeased by the ultimatum, that you would do that’… then the woman begins screaming and becomes physically violent, destroying property, assault, etc.
Roughly 2/3 as many men are victims of female domestic violence as women are victims men.
Its… pretty common actually.
Even reasonable needs typically only go straight to an ultimatum when the person giving it understands on some level that it’s not something the other person will give easily or happily.
For example my ex decided polyamory wasn’t working for her, but I thrived in it in a way I hadn’t in monogamy. I can’t imagine she didn’t understand on some level that it was an irreconcilable difference.
Does it change anything at all that it’s just a meme and not a real description of life?
Does that change anything at all for you?
I’ve had a partner criticize my video game time before. They didn’t want to spend more time with me though, they just didn’t like that I was talking to other people online. I’ve also had a partner spend 90% of their free time online and ignore our relationship. What I find most interesting about the meme however is that any time it comes up it’s always the female partner giving the ultimatum, and I do not think that is a coincidence, I think it’s shaping a perception, and rage bait.
It’s absolutely pushing an agenda. But for once, the guy’s response is reasonable and healthy.
And yet, it’s also what a person would say if they did prefer gaming 24/7 but also wanted her to feel that she was at fault for ruining a relationship he was never invested in. He’s not even looking her in the eye to make his accusation.
Yeah it wouldn’t be a bad response at all in a healthy relationship context. I wish all partners could give each other the same respect. I like the response, just not the frame.
I think it’s shaping the perception that guys tend to spend more time playing video games compared to women, or at least that is the view from a societal standpoint
The first person is a narcissist.
Literally, not as insult, as a diagnosis.
They do that because they want themselves to be the only or main person whose attention and input you value.
The video games disallow them from being able to monopolize your attention budget.
Narcissists, in relationships, seek to monopolize the partners attention budget.
Perhaps ironically, that doesn’t apply in reverse though… they’re allowed to monopolize the attention of many people, in their minds.
Other people though, no, they’re not allowed to do that, other people the narcissist knows are only allowed to spend attention on the narcissist.
I feel like the whole situation would not even happen if they had a healthy relationship, as in discussing their feelings.
It’s good to talk about our feelings.
An expert display of narcissism. He completely dismisses how she feels and then tells her that she is the problem.
Yes, “It’s me or your video games” strongly suggests, in this fictional scenario, that it’s by no means the first time this issue has been brought up. Even if that were the case, however, the reply by the guy would be arrogant and selfish, since it ignores his partner’s needs instead of respecting them.
Maybe, maybe not. It could be that he’s actually neglecting her for video games. It could be that her idea of “neglect” is any time at all pursuing his own hobbies. Both scenarios occur, I don’t think it’s reasonable to say this “strongly” suggests one in particular.
Yeah, armchair psychologists often like to throw out the “this isn’t what it seems” argument with such conviction that they forget that it still definitely could be what it seems.
… he says from his armchair
I suppose that would be a gotcha if I we’re actually trying to read into a scenario I know nothing about, rather than just calling someone else out for doing so.
Eh I’m just teasing you it’s all good
I guess I’m just an armchair armchair-spotter, haha!
Both scenarios occur
True
I don’t thinkit’s [not] reasonable to say this “strongly” suggests one in particular.Disagree. He had a choice to either hear that she was experience pain/duress or that she’s exaggerating and/or misunderstanding. In either case, if he truly cares about her then he could/should seek to understand, communicate, and (if appropriate) compromise. That he immediately dismissed her and only talked of himself makes it clear that he’s an uncaring narcissist.
I appreciate that you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Narcissists depend on this. When they show you who they are, believe them.
He had a choice to either hear that she was experience pain/duress or that she’s exaggerating and/or misunderstanding.
And she had a chance to communicate her frustrations without making an ultimatum.
That he immediately dismissed her and only talked of himself makes it clear that he’s an uncaring narcissist.
That she immediately issued an ultimatum instead of trying to open a productive dialogue about it more strongly suggests that she’s the uncaring narcissist. Ultimatums aren’t healthy.
In any case, this response isn’t very helpful, since it doesn’t aim to resolve the conflict. Ending the relationship might be the solution—but even then, it probably wouldn’t be the most conciliatory way to part ways.
I simply assume that most people are capable of communicating with one another. If that isn’t the case in a relationship—whatever the reason may be—I don’t think the relationship will last long—at least not if everyone involved is supposed to be happy in it.
I think you’re totally right, but also don’t underestimate the average person’s willingness to tolerate being in a bad or even toxic relationship. A lot of those folks are commenting here in this thread
Thanks. Yea, it seems I didn’t take some sensitivities into account in my comment, judging by the downvotes it received. It was by no means my intention to upset anyone; I simply wanted to express my belief that it’s a good thing to treat each other with respect and show understanding for one another, even if that can sometimes be difficult.
At least for me, this has always worked pretty well in relationships, which is why I thought I’d recommend it.
I simply assume that most people are capable of communicating with one another.
That is not at all a safe assumption.
Yeah, looks like it.
Hmm yeah “how she feels” being a manipulative ultimatum
Hahaha wow no.
No, this is an ultimatum, not ‘expressing her feelings’.
It is a threat, quite literally, and that in fact is a problem… healthy relationships do not involve threats.
This is not ‘hey, instead of video games tonight, could we maybe go on a walk, or out to dinner, or maybe cook dinner together, or go see a movie? Oh you had a scheduled match… hrm, maybe this weekend?’
That you think this is narcissism betrays that you are, at best, very bad at communicating, and at worst, are yourself a narcissist who is projecting.
narcissist for not tolerating manipulation and abuse?
Narcissist for being the abuser, not giving a fuck about her, and making it all about himself.
is your favorite song Assumptions?
if someone threatens to break up with you over some video games, RUN
If one is too shallow to understand that ‘video games’ is a stand-in for a much broader problem, leave them. They are either really fucking stupid, a narcissist, or both.
Are you able to concieve that video games are a fun and enjoyable hobby?
Does it occur to you that perhaps a balance can be reached other than ‘100% partner 0% video games’ or ‘0% partner 100% video games’?
Is it abuse to … not do anything other than exactly what your partner wants, when they want it, or else they will leave you?
Has it occured to you that… your mindset is the extremist, totally black and white thinking, no room for compromise, the worst possible interpetation is always the assumed default…
Has it occured to you that that is the absuive mindset?
The narcissist wouldn’t dump her over it, he’d apologize and keep doing it.
Edit: I appear to have grossly oversimplified narcissists.
lol @ the comments are arguing about the speculative context for this conversation. Either one of these fictional people could be unreasonable given different context.
Yall are telling on your own insecurities.
Obviously the woman has cancer and has only a week to live, but the husband is a world class esports athlete and he promised an entire ward of kids with cancer that he’d win the championship.
But the husband has cancer too and this is the last time that he can play before his eyes need to be surgically removed. But he doesn’t know that his wife made a deal with the devil, if she can get the husband to stop playing games then Satan will erase cancer from the world and the entire ward of children will be instantly healed.
But if her husband finds out about this deal he will instantly kill everyone. This is a very complex situation.
This is a little far-fetched.
The man comes from a long-line of noble gamers and is merely upholding the traditional values he was raised on, lest he distress the spirits of his ancestors. The woman was raised by puritan chess masters during the castle siege of Fort Boyard and views the world only under the paranoid lens of allegiance/betrayal.
It’s a simple culture clash that likely leads to some interesting bedtime shenanigans that gets them both off, e.g. Lockpicking a chastity belt whilst she eggs him on in French
THANK you I’m ALWAYS saying this
these are the types of movies hollywood should be making.
You don’t want to watch Die Hard (2027)?
Unless Die Hard (2027) is a documentary about Bruce Willis, then I’m not interested
Yes, but:
Three hours later
OMG so why did you guys break up? You were so perfect for each other!
He chose his video games over me…
Wow what a loser, you’re so much better than him
I’m sure he’s devastated that his ex’s friends are supporting her.
Not uncommon for couples to share friends. No matter who it is, no one likes getting bad mouthed behind their back
Relationships built on ultimatums are very abusive. You’re forcing someone to do something they don’t want to do to fit your expectations.
If you feel like your only recourse to get what you want is to make an ultimatum, maybe it’s already time to move on.
It depends on the more on what is at stake more than just the ultimatum. Get sober or get out is very different than stop your hobby or get out. No matter how you try to get someone to give up their running club, it’s probably an abusive move.
You either never cheat on me or this relationship is over.
i would like to gave a gaming relationship like this (playing with no cheaters)
You just have to install Denuvo on your partner.
Every relationship is built on ultimatums. Such a weird opinion to say it’s abusive. I’m leaving if my partner cheats, picks up a drug habit, or spends all of our money, for instance.
There’s a difference between ultimatums and boundaries
There really isn’t. You’re just adding a connotative difference if it’s a socially acceptable reason.
Boundaries are healthy limits set to protect oneself, while ultimatums are demands that pressure others to change, often with a threat.
Boundaries respect both parties. Ultimatums prioritize one’s own needs.
Using the meme as an example, “if you don’t stop playing video games I’m leaving” is an ultimatum, putting herself first. It neglects the fact that he enjoys playing video games, and forces him to choose between her or his hobbies.
“I feel neglected when you play video games so much instead of spending time with me, what can we do to find something that works for both of us. If we can’t find a solution, I worry about the sustainability of our relationship” would express her feelings, identify his behavior that is causing those feelings, and respect the fact that his hobbies are important to him and give him space to continue enjoying them. And the boundary is “if we can’t work together on this, this relationship won’t work”.
There is nothing in what I said that suggests connotation or social acceptance are a factor - polyamory exists, couples could enjoy drugs together, and money is important to everyone. What you listed are your boundaries, and that’s cool - I have the same ones. But they’re not universal (though definitely some of the most common). What matters is how they are communicated.
You just explained the connotation and presented it as a difference in definition, but an ultimatum is just attaching consequences to a “hard boundary” or “deal-breaker.” Usually, the consequence is just walking away from the relationship. I know in real life it often does turn abusive, and you can have an abusive ultimatum, “have sex with me or I will hurt you,” but it’s not inherently abusive.
Even your examples are ultimatums but said more kindly.
“I feel neglected when you play video games so much instead of spending time with me, what can we do to find something that works for both of us. If we can’t find a solution, I worry about the sustainability of our relationship”
The boundary is “being in a relationship with someone who plays video games so much” and, assuming the status quo is not acceptable, what turned it into an ultimatum is “I worry about the sustainability of our relationship.” I.e., I’m going to break up with you if you don’t play less video games than you are now. Just because you would like to stay in the relationship and keep playing video games at the same rate does not make it abusive. What would make it abusive is if there’s a pattern of manipulation that puts the ultimatum in a negative context.
The difference is “let’s figure this out so we’re both happy” versus “stop this or I’m leaving”. Boundaries let the other person know what we’re comfortable with and what our limits are. Ultimatums are about control.
In my example, the boundary is feeling neglected because of so much time playing video games, and the limit is not wanting to be in a relationship where one feels neglected. Finding a mutually agreeable solution shows respect.
The ultimatum of “stop playing video games or I’m leaving” is about controlling what someone does. It neglects the video game players needs while prioritizing the person giving the ultimatum
The terms are confusing, for sure, and it doesn’t help that some boundaries could easily be interpreted as ultimatums. “I’m not staying with you if you cheat on me”, for example, could be read as both.
I think there’s a difference between a hard boundary and an ultimatum. The former exists before it needs to be said, and the latter is a “do/stop this or the relationship is over”. It’s often associated with existing relationship issues or a sudden change in the relationship.
It’s also associated with an expectation that one gets their way. Rather than approaching as a conversation about “are we still compatible” it becomes a cudgel. When I rejected my ex’s ultimatum it resulted in her begging me to change my answer and later yelling at me about my being willing to end the relationship.
yep, been there. I had one ex crash out at me 6 months later, because they found out I had found someone else… while they were also dating someone else. Like we broke up in Sept than one random day in March I had multiple ranting voicemails that I woke up to one day about how I ‘betrayed’ her and how I had ‘clearly never loved her’.
She was the one that initiated the breakup over an ultimatum, but her ‘plan’ was that I would come crawling back to her or something. Because it’s only True Love if you’re completely broken and subordinate to the other person, including abuse.
Instructions unclear.
Married a woman who plays video games with me.
My wife is currently breeding an army of factory workers for me in exchange for a ton of ammo and raw materials in Palworld.
The last two words of that sentence are the most important ones.
“…in Palworld” is the new “…in Minecraft”
*in Rimworld
*in The Sims
*in Crusader Kings
Hot
Some of us have dated dozens of people and never met one what enjoys or is OK with video games.
women who enjoy video games are not exactly abundant.
I’m not sure what your point is? Ive dated people who didnt like video games too.
that you are lucky and statistically that isn’t an option for most folks.
I’d love to date a woman who mountain bikes. The ratio of men to women in mountain biking is about 100 to 1, far worse than video games. my chances of finding a lady who wants to do that with me is astonishingly low.
however what is very common, is for meet a woman who lectures me on how stupid and dangerous and dumb mountain biking is and that i should stop doing it. that’s like 1/4 ladies I meet.
“most folks” = “me anecdotally”
k
I’ve dated lots of trans girls who play video games.
If you want a girlfriend who does a “boy hobby” (as toy companies would put it), you need to find a culturally liberated woman. Someone strong willed and independent, who values action and choice. You know, a woke woman.
Find yourself a gal with blue hair and pronouns and you’ll have a gamer gf.
I would never date an extrovert or someone with no hobbies for exactly this reason. They need you to entertain them or they throw a fit.
Big yep. Partner ≠ 24-hour therapist. If you can’t be alone with your thoughts, you aren’t working on your shit, and shouldn’t inflict it on someone else just because they’re there.
Why not both? Why not play together? Like… Some kind of… Threesome
Now we’re talking
Do you fuckers even know what a meme is? 2/10 do better.
This is a reasonable response, however if his habits are inhibiting his lifestyle then she has every right to bring it up as an issue.
FRFR glitches be trippin
Yeah, it’s obviously framed like this to dunk on the non-gamer for being goofy, but the reality is (most of the time) someone forcing an ultimatum like this is doing is because every other method failed. So, it’s hard for me to see this anything other than a sort of power fantasy. I’m not sure what to call it. An “I’m right” fantasy? A high-horse fantasy? Not sure.
And the frustrating this is that goofy posts like this hide this so well, because yes, ultimatums are generally bad, but if you point out something like that, they’ll just say something like the non-gamer just jumped to the ultimatum with no warning… But… It’s just a single panel. There’s literally nothing else.
Idk, it’s just weird to me. Also feels a little misogynistic.
Lost me at the misogynistic part. There’s nothing about this that necessitates a specific gender, just happens to be what’s in the meme.
And yet it’s usually the woman in memes like this that’s behaving inappropriately and usually the woman that’s acting boring in the memes comparing boys and girls.
This absolutely happens, and women can be toxic too. Not everything is misogyny. I’ve had some absolutely horrible girlfriends and women in my life. I’ve also had amazing women in my life. Instead of assuming everything is misogyny you could idk… maybe consider that women arent always sunshine and rainbows?
It’s easy to put someone on a pedestal from afar.
When did I say otherwise? I even specifically mentioned most of the time in my comment, acknowledging that it’s not universal.
It’s not a reasonable response at all. It’s unhealthy AF.
If the partner is prioritizing games over their relationship or responsibilities, and is making the other feel like they have to compete for attention and time with their partners habits or addiction. The affected partner hss every right to desire to leave that relationship because their needs are not being met in that relationship.
This is what the ultimatum is targeting. His response being intentionally obtuse and flipping it back around to the partner whose needs are likely not being met in their relationship being the problem is extremely toxic and manipulative.
I like how everyone is inventing a scenario to fit the two lines of dialogue and claiming it’s this or that.
There’s no way to definitely say if it’s reasonable or not because they guy could be prioritizing gaming over his life and relationship or the lady could just be embarrassed that she is dating a guy with “immature” hobbies and he may be very regulated about the time spent gaming.
In one scenario it’s reasonable in the other it’s not.
people are confirming their biases via projection, often into extreme scenarios because those are more emotionally vivid and dramatic, than more mundane ones.
If the two characters were a gay couple you’d see very different replies, and probably a lot more light hearted ones, but a lot fewer of them.
but this one nicely plays into the ‘men who play video games are awful and terrible people’ trope, especially with the headline inciting that the male is the mature one here.
and for some folks in relationships, they MUST be the victim, no matter what. those were my favorite breakups, the classic ‘i am doing this but it’s hurting me more than you so therefore i’m the real victim’ nonsense. classic! you can bet some posters who think that way are totally triggered by any suggestion they might be the problematic one.
plus you know, the weirdos who just have an irrational hatred for people who play video games and think they are all depraved jobless man children who goon to anime girls all day.
anyway, it’s fun because so many folks tell on themselves without realizing it, when you put up these kind of relationship Rorschach tests.
The whole real men don’t play video games is also unhealthy nonsense constantly pushed by toxic members of our society
https://www.aol.com/articles/dating-coach-reveals-why-video-181930000.html
Honestly this is a contrived conversation, but I don’t think the guys answer is that far off of a healthy response. It is important to shutdown this type of behavior when it happens.
https://blog.couplestherapistla.com/ultimatums-dont-work-do-this-instead/
She would be much better off just saying, “When you ignore me or your chores by playing video games it makes me feel like you don’t care about the work it takes to maintain our home and relationship.”
what a awful shitty lady.
half the women on my dating app matches love golf. it’s incredibly popular right now. it’s the new climbing gym.
no, that’s your interpretation of it. which is mostly projection and your identification of the two people as being ‘good’ and ‘bad’.
Lots of assumptions being made when it could just as easily be someone upset that he dares spend an hour or two on the weekends gaming with buddies
Haha no, short answer: too bad for you, it’s video games! ❤️
…he said, adjusting his gaming diaper.
The answer to most ultimatums is no. It’s one thing if it’s something you need to change and is reasonable to demand, but even then by the time it hits an ultimatum the relationship is often in a position where the damage runs deep.
I’ve ended an engagement over an ultimatum and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made
What blows my mind, is everytime I was issued one of these… it was from a person who was objectively like way worse or had way bigger issues than I did.
Like, yeah I have to stop playing video games, but you have to pay off your $50,000 in credit card debt.
And the reply was, no, you have to quit video games, so you can work more, and make more money and pay off my debt for me.
And naturally friends/family took her side, because I have the penis and it’s my job to pay off her debts, or some bullshit.
anyway, good news is i’m single and financially secure, and happy, instead of together with someone being broke and miserable all the time and doesn’t allow me to have any joy on my own.
It sounds like you dodged a serious bullet there. I don’t know many people who started their marriages with huge debt who are out of debt or living happily at this point. Most of them are divorced. The smart ones kept enough paperwork to prove their spouses came into the marriage with debt, so they should not be held jointly responsible for it.
THANK YOU. So glad to be free of that judgment and eating my cat food in peace.
Them: You have to stop playing video games, they’re a waste of money and time and take up too much space
Me: Ok, then you stop collecting funkos
“You need to stop playing video games”
Normal people: says the person that is on Instagram and TikTok for eight hours a day?
I don’t even mind the hours on tiktok… what bothers me is the fact they become depressed and anxious because of it, because they are constantly comparing themselves to the lifestyles of millionaire influencers and thinking that is how they should be living their life or their life isn’t worth living…
almost every major big influencer/streamer comes from wealth, and pretends like they worked to get where they are… no they started there, and just decided to advertise it so they could con poor people into giving them more money, who want to live vicariously through them.
and every stupid streamer plays up that they are ‘just a normal person’. They almost never are. The ones that are normal people… basically live in shitty houses in the middle of no where, they aren’t traveling the globe.
The answer to most ultimatums is no.
Yes! It took me far to long to internalize this.
Ultimatums are never productive, and anyone issuing them is either desperate or an asshole. (Sometimes both.)
